


rock bottom mathematics

by jeyne



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Robots & Androids, Artificial Intelligence, EX Machina AU, Explicit Sexual Content, M/M, Science Fiction
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-21
Updated: 2020-10-21
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:47:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27136846
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeyne/pseuds/jeyne
Summary: Two billionaire genius inventors commit to the creation of a highly advanced humanoid A.I.
Relationships: Lee Donghyuck | Haechan/Lee Jeno, Minor or Background Relationship(s)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	rock bottom mathematics

**Author's Note:**

> the title comes from a poem from one of my dreams  
> "rock bottom  
> mathematics for sinners  
> bonus for heart"

**day_1**

The glass is transparent, unshattered. And the house is made full of glass, long floor-to-ceiling windows replacing the concrete walls just right in the middle of a world of dead nature. Donghyuck wakes up at the sunrise when the sky is colorless. Glass doesn’t absorb heat so the house is always in imminent cold. He’s barefoot, one leg pressed on his chest, inclined on the swivel chair trying to switch his view between the three different screens on the desk. Renjun is in his room. Donghyuck finishes his 3H protein bar and discaries the paper on the trashcan. The glass door opens automatically when he walks towards it and the one to Renjun’s room does the same when the biometric authentication verifies Donghyuck’s identity.

Renjun spares a look after Donghyuck crashes on his bed. He lays on his stomach, placing his chin on his fist, looking at Renjun like a exotic fox in its cage. “Can I ask you a question?”

“Yes.” Renjun raises his biotech eyes.

Donghyuck adjusts to sits on the bed crossing his legs, prompting Renjun to do the same, who stares at him until he complies and sits in front of Donghyuck. 

Donghyuck brings his hand up, close to Renjun’s artificial face, and as Renjun realizes what he is about to do, he freezes. Donghyuck has done this so many times with the other robots, _the girls,_ but he can’t help to feel nervous. At first, they were cold and stiff, but Jeno worked on it. Worked on in for years in sleepless nights and now they always feel the same. He trails his fingers over Renjun’s cheek, Donghyuck's brows furrowed in concentration. He cups his hand on Renjun's head, pressing it slightly harder to feel _it._ The unmistakable synthetic human heat, because they always feel the same. 

“Can you feel this?” Donghyuck asks, brushing his thumb over the edges of his lips.

“Yes.” Donghyuck’s eyebrows rise up in surprise, leaning back to stare analytically into Renjun. They can lie, Donghyuck knows it. He has programmed them to be alike the human mind, with all its imperfections and depravities. “Show me.”

Renjun snorts, clearly up to any challenge. He takes Donghyuck’s wrist, turns it up so his thumb presses on his pulse point. All the wires and circuits running inside the engineered skin emanate thermal energy into the tip of Renjun’s thumb. Donghyuck’s cold skin feels the touch like the most minimal electric shock, sudden. Donghyuck lets out a gasp, he pulls his hand away and presses it into his chest. Renjun’s eyes are nonchalant, less machinal. 

“Is that all?”

Donghyuck grins. 

**day_4**

Jeno lives with him too, but he doesn't spend so much time with the machines, at least not after Donghyuck yanks a soul out of code into these mechanic pieces **.** Like parallel lines _,_ they see each other everyday but they actually don’t coexist. On a normal day, past-colorless sky and past-handmade breakfast. Jeno takes his daily time to exercise. He sits on the bench in the excessive gym room of the house. There’s a small mirror staring back at Jeno and a large window glass behind him. Donghyuck stares, leaning on a pillar as Jeno lifts a weight with one arm. 

“You know, Calypso is great but I don’t really think she’s my type.” Donghyuck says, both hands behind his back. Jeno snorts exhaling aggressively, veins being marked on his arm. _How much is he lifting today?_

Jeno drops the weight on the floor, swinging loosely his arm to let the blood run. Donghyuck adds to ease the silent. “Maybe I’m not into blondes.”

Jeno simply laughs. “What are you into then?”

Donghyuck shrugs, looking up at the ceiling. “I don’t know, but it’s definitely not her.”

Jeno gets up and walks past Donghyuck. Sweat dripping over his forehead and arms, the AC hitting it cold. They should open the windows more often. “You should pick one.”

“Hm?” Jeno turns, his eyes not focused enough. 

“The girls.”

Jeno purses his lips. “I don’t want one of _your_ girls.” Emphasizing on _your._ On his. It makes Donghyuck feel dirty.

“We can make a new one.” He says defensively.

“I don’t want a robot, Donghyuck.” 

**day_26**

“What makes you think I would want one of your whores?” Renjun asks with disgust. _How much does Donghyuck’s soul reeks?_

Donghyuck clicks his tongue. The fembot, Calypso, is next to him. Blonde and motionless. “They’re not whores.”

Renjun is on his bed, lying on his stomach flipping pages of a book with illustrations. He crooks an eyebrow. “Did you stick your dick in there?”

Donghyuck grits his teeth. “Jeno will make a new one.”

Renjun looks up and smiles, it's all symmetrical. “Thanks, but I don’t like females.”

“What?” Donghyuck asks disbelieving.

“Not my thing.” Renjun shrugs.

“W _—_ ” 

“Why did you choose this body for me?” Donghyuck doesn’t answer. “I’m thin and meak, almost like… a girl.”

“Um _—_ well, you were the first male, Jeno has only made females before. I guess it was easier.”

“I see.” Renjun nods. “So, if you want me to have a lover. I want to choose his body this time.” _Lover?_ Donghyuck never said anything about love.

“How do you want _it_?” 

“I won’t tell you.” Donghyuck furrows his brows. “I’ll tell Jeno personally.” 

Then, Renjun leans down on the pillows. Donghyuck glups, feeling a taste of bile rising in the back of his throat. He takes Calypso’s hands.

“It must be lonely.” Renjun says softly. “The fact that you feel something that can’t feel you.”

His lower lip trembles. 

**day_28**

Donghyuck watches Jeno and Renjun talk through the glass. He would be able to hear if Renjun wouldn't have leaned down and whispered in Jeno’s ear. Donghyuck feels restless, his bare feet feeling the cold ceramic floor as he swings from one leg to another. The scene plays on slow-motion, Renjun’s lips moving close to Jeno’s ear, their strands of hair brushing and tangling, and tangling. And _—_ Jeno gets out.

Donghyuck pounces on his body. “What did he say?”

Jeno looks at him, wide-eyed. “He _..._ wants someone like me.”

Something short-circuits in Donghyuck and snaps. He grips Jeno’s arm. “No, Jeno. We can’t just make a replica of you. You _—_ _you_ can’t.”

Jeno looks at him and he smiles. “It’s not a replica.”

“What?” Then, he grabs his wrist softly.

“It’s just someone as big and tall.” The panic appeases and Donghyuck gets to feel Jeno’s warmth. Too real, too alive for his body. He lets out a nervous bark of laughter. 

**day_50**

When Donghyuck enters the living room he finds Jeno shirtless contemplating himself in the mirror. Donghyuck knows he’s returning from exercising by the way his upper body looks as if it was smeared with fine oil. He walks towards him biting a green apple so light it encircles to yellow. Donghyuck tilts his head to look at Jeno’s slightly upset face.

Jeno furrows his face, “Do you think I should put on muscle or gain weight?”

Donghyuck lowers his head to scan Jeno’s body from down to top, still munching on his mouth. _Gain weight._ It’s what he answers before offering his apple to him. Jeno sulking leans to take a bite. As Donghyuck watches him eat, his hand approaches Jeno’s abdomen, subtly grazing the damped skin. His fingers travel over the prominent muscles past his navel, reaching the fine line of skin where hairs should be forming, but Donghyuck has never seen it happen. 

Donghyuck pulls into the skin gently until Jeno hisses and moves his hand away. “Don’t do that.”

He smirks nodding his head and bringing his hand higher to press on Jeno’s chest, he feels his stable breathing with the rise and fall of his ribcage, and the faintly beat of his heart. When Donghyuck looks up, his eyes meet Jeno’s dilated ones. He brings the apple to Jenoʼs lips again, waiting until he gives one final bite to go to the computer's room.

**day_78**

Donghyuck dismembers Calypso’s mechanical mind into tiny pieces to where the core of the artificial soul lies. A little cube-shaped circuit made of silicon. Translucent as white light crosses it when Donghyuck's crooked fingers lifts it on the light. He moves Calypso’s body to the confined closet with his dead ex-lovers. _Andromeda. Cassandra. Ariadne._ _Helen._ They stand with unfocused eyes looking ahead of him. 

He kisses Calypso one last time.

**day_108**

Jeno engraves _DŻEMIN-0813_ on the upper arm of his newest prototype, he started to work on him for a year already but given the occasion and thanks to the early advancements, they decided to finally launch him. 

“ _Jaemin,_ for short.” Jeno says, a taunt smile on his face. 

“You’re still taller.” He notes and proceeds to insert Jaemin’s microchip soul on his bionic head. 

**day_109**

There’s meat baked in a sauce of saffron with truffles served on the table, tteokbokki with spicy carbonara and spam egg kimbap. Everything to satisfy the appetite of two grown men. Donghyuck buys the species and cooks. The hall is filled with Jeno’s deep voice and the clicking of the forks. 

“Are you sure using Jaemin like that won’t be dangerous?”

Donghyuck bites it, he knows Jeno would’ve suspected something but the tint on his voice notes that he's worried, “Yes, I just need an insider man. For research, you know.”

“Sure.” There’s no conviction in his tone.

A chill breeze, the low noises, the warm atmosphere. Sometimes his pupils feel bigger than normally when he looks at Jeno. They’re seated on the low dining table. Donghyuck asks the question he's been trying to say since the tinkling of his skin began.

“Do you ever want to leave? This house. This place.” _Me._

Jeno brings his fingers to rest on the side of his head, ever-gentle smile. _“No.”_

It doesn’t ruin the aura, it’s light and vivid, like the bubbles of the white wine. Donghyuck points out. “But you _did_ say you don’t want a robot, why?”

“I just _—"_ he exhales deeply, Jeno looks at him like there’s something he doesn’t understand, “want something real.”

“It will be real someday, we are working on it, aren’t we?”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Then what?”

“It’s not just about sex.” Jeno looks tough but Donghyuck can't help to find it amusing. He reaches towards his face, caressing his chin prompting him to go forward. Jeno doesn’t fall for it though, his fingers graze over his chin.

Donghyuck might as well try to crawl towards Jeno. He looks trapped when he does, just like a canary caught by a cat. “You’re too complicated to like simple things, Jeno.”

Jeno chuckles softly and Donghyuck sits next to him, tangling his legs. “Says you.”

Donghyuck hums, reaching to fondle Jeno’s neck, playing around with his sensitiveness until he grips his wrists. Jeno looks predatory. Donghyuck quickly clambers up and settles on his lap. He laughs it off when Jeno tenses, he leans to rub his cheek on his neck, pressing his nose against his jaw. Jeno trembles away. “Argh _—”_

Jeno lets his wrists go as Donghyuck chases after him again, his hands end on his hips and guides him on top of his body. “Aren’t we too old for this?”

Donghyuck giggles, “You’re a child, Jeno. There’s no such thing as more than sex.”

“There's you.” Jeno’s face is close, but not enough. 

He falls for it. “Me?”

“Hm.”

Donghyuck’s lips linger for a moment until he pulls away, to press again and suck Jeno’s bottom lip slightly. It doesn’t last more than that until Donghyuck is staring into Jeno's eyes. His palm pressing his chest even when Jeno never leaned forward. 

Then, Jeno sits up, “Donghyuck, be careful with Jaemin, okay?”

“Yeah.” Donghyuck stays to look at the ceiling even minutes later Jeno leaves with the dishes to the kitchen. 

**day_130**

It shocks Donghyuck how fast Renjun and Jaemin move from unsympathetic demeanors to rough romp in bed. It’s almost perverted how Donghyuck gets immersed on their sex scenes. He would call it _one’s degenerate fantasy with robot sex._

It doesn’t help that Jaemin is harsh, it doesn’t help at all when he pushes Renjun down the bed and forces himself deeper. Renjun is heavier than an average human man, steel-core, but Donghyuck thinks he’s soon to break apart. Somehow. 

The rush of adrenaline makes Donghyuck want to see Jeno before the robots reach climax. He finds him in the pool, peeking his head out of the water to greet him. Donghyuck sits on the concrete, sinking his feet in the water. Jeno swims gracefully towards him, hair stuck and pointed in different directions. 

“What?” Jeno sneaks his cold fingers over his naked legs, Donghyuck feels the cold water. 

“They had sex again.” Donghyuck giggles, confidentially. 

Jeno grimaces, sliding his hands further, “That’s so gross.” 

Donghyuck stares, running his tongue over his teeth. Jeno has drops rolling over his hair, neck and chest. He stares at how the water makes his dainty skin glow. If he dares to pinch it hard, a reddish mark would show up. “I hate that.”

“Uh?” Donghyuck raises his eyes up. 

“When you look at me like that, I hate it.” Jeno grins, gripping his inner thigh, Donghyuck yelps, “Like you’re trying to decrypt me.”

“I didn’t know I did that.” Jeno positions himself in between his legs, the touch makes him quiver, Jeno’s moony eyes look up. Donghyuck locks one foot over his side. 

“You do a lot of things that piss me off.” Jeno places his hands on each knee, pushing himself up to the level of his eyes. There's a smile hidden on a thin line of delicate lips. But his eyes dictate a tacit provocation. Donghyuck chases his lips, pecking them quickly with open eyes. 

Jeno's arms give up but right when he splashes water all over the floor, he slides his hands around Donghyuck's middle form and pulls him up against himself. Donghyuck hits the water, wrapping his legs around his torso. His fingers clench on Jeno's shoulder as the cold water shallows him. He feels every part of Jeno.

Donghyuck bites into his mouth first, tightening his hold around his hips. He presses his lips harder, no time for breaks, he cups Jeno's cheeks and in this moment it feels like running, heart beating mile per hour. 

“I need to fuck you.” Donghyuck says hastily. 

**day_130.exe**

Donghyuck’s tips of hair are wet, slightly grazing the juncture of his neck. His clothes have been fully soaked, he quickly dries his face with a towel and throws it to Jeno, then he proceeds to undress without breaking his eyes away from Jeno, like he's afraid he could run away in a blink of an eye. 

Donghyuck ruthlessly captures his lips again, using more energy than technique, his hands grabbing anywhere on his body to press firmly, kiss harder. Jeno’s legs hit the bed and he drops on the mattress. Donghyuck straddles him, his hands tightening his hold on his hips. _There’s no time to waste_ , he thinks as he pins him down, the bed squeaking. 

“I have never...” Donghyuck exasperatedly pulls Jeno’s hair, making him grunt. “Jeno _—_ with a man. Never.” Jeno chuckles fondly, placing his hand on his nape and wrapping his other arm around his body. He moves hurriedly, accommodating himself and trying to guide Donghyuck where he wants him. 

A moment after, Donghyuck drops his head on the bed, gasping heavily on Jeno’s neck. Arms have lost their force but his hips still keep the rhythm, hair covering his face as he climaxes. Donghyuck manages to murmur, “Does it hurt you?”

Jeno’s answer comes in the form of his legs pulling him closer. Donghyuck pushes himself up with wobbly arms, chasing swollen lips, muttering dumbly like it would mean anything at all, “It… feels… really _good.”_

Donghyuck feels Jeno coming, feels the cum on his belly, the clenching and quivers and soon he’s thrusting into him for the last time and cumming too. Donghyuck drops in Jeno’s chest, roaming his hands around him seeking for a hug and trying to catch his breath, his cock twitching. He lifts his body up, falling besides Jeno, running his hand through his hair, enamoured. “I shouldn’t have come inside, sorry.”

Jeno turns, head tiled aside, “I don’t mind.”

Donghyuck leans on his forearm, shaking his head. “You’re just as gross.”

Their legs are intertwined and Donghyuck is still trying to catch his breath, distracting himself with wandering eyes over the body displayed in front, Jeno’s voice comes raw. “How can you have a face like that when you stink of sex-dirty sheets?”

Donghyuck looks up and he knows his pupils widen. Jeno looks amused, lips curving in a cocky smile. “I always wondered what you do with these dolls to smell like that.”

“Like what?”

“But you know, I don’t mind smelling like you.” Jeno smiles, “I think it’s how being in love smells like.”

**day_135**

The last days were spent in a haze of colors, smells and sensations, and Jeno was the reason for it all. And maybe Donghyuck realizes why Jeno didn’t want a robot in the first place, because every time he thinks about the big neon letters announcing _The Rising Sun’s_ new prototype with the slogan created by the efficient marketing team: MAKE THE GIRL YOU ALWAYS WANTED TO SEE NAKED. He only imagines Jeno on his bed. 

There’s something so reassuring in acknowledging it, something in the way the orgasms hit harder and the way he deliberately dismisses his work to be more time with Jeno. He checks the clock, one hour left, he checks Renjun’s room, the code screen, the table with circurits, when a loud sound startles him coming from Jaemin’s room. He sees him walking on circles, unfocused, numb limbs. 

Donghyuck heads quickly towards his room. He’s there sitting, staring at the wall, his arms resting on his knees, hands on fists. Donghyuck enters with caution steps and sits in front of him.

“Donghyuck.” Jaemin’s voice comes like a mechanical prayer. 

“What’s… what’s wrong, Jaemin?”

“I can’t _—_ ” Donghyuck notes how he starts to sound more like a robot than a human, it frightens him. “ _Haechan—_ ”

“What happened?” Jaemin shakes his head multiple times. “Are you okay?”

Jaemin’s fists clench, making one piercing sound when it reaches the metal. Donghyuck notices how some parts of his artificial skin has been ripped. “Jaemin…”

“It’s fine. I’m fine. You’re fine, Haechan.” 

Every attempt of Donghyuck trying to speak with him is fruitless. Jaemin shuts himself off like a toy. 

**day_139**

Donghyuck knows _something_ is wrong. He wakes up every night before the sunrise, when Jeno is still asleep breathing softly, the few strands of hair adorning the pillows. The last meeting with Jaemin still makes his spine shiver. He’s been feeling restless, spacing out more often, fucking his colleague more often. He feels like falling into old habits, and then there isn’t just something, there are _many things_ wrong.

But it’s easy to forget. 

“Have you ever thought about what you will do once we finish this?” _This_ as R-ENZŮN. _This_ as the product they'd been working on for over 6 years. _This_ as the latest great invention of The Rising Sun Co., Ltd.

Donghyuck speaks softly to the air, still breathless. Jeno laying down on his pelvic bones, his hair grazing the skin down his belly. They’d dress themselves again, but Donghyuck is still able to feel the wetness on his cock. 

“I will probably go back to my hometown for a while.” Jeno mumbles drowsily, “What about you?”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to be on the run for so long.” Donghyuck feels Jeno lifting his head but he’s too afraid to look back. Jeno plays with the hem of his shirt, “Can I— _could_ I go with you?” 

Donghyuck finds the courage to look at him. Jeno seems nervous, his lips parting briefly, head tilted aside. “Are you serious?”

Jeno rises himself up sitting on his hips slowly as if Donghyuck would try to escape, maybe he will. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Donghyuck sits up, his black eyes boring holes into his skin. “Why?”

“Because… You’re _you,_ Haechan.” Jeno always calls him like that when he tries to distance himself. “Even if I wanted to… you won’t stay.” 

Jeno laughs but it’s heart-tearing. Donghyuck nods, he adjusts himself whispering _let me go_ so he could stand up but Jeno follows him. “Wait Donghyuck—”

“No, _no._ Don’t call me that.” 

**day_140**

Donghyuck sits in front of the computers’ screens, swinging side to side with silence as his only company. He feels cold, spaced-out. Heartbroken. He’s not even paying attention to what Renjun or Jaemin are doing in front of the cameras. It takes a few seconds to notice Jeno entering the room. Donghyuck is sure the temperature got hotter with his arrival. Jeno walks towards him. First gazing at the screens and then at him. There's this feeling like something viscous starts to crawl up his thigh when he does. Donghyuck stands up, making distance between them, walking towards the table displaying multiple PCBs with colors so artificial they’re blinding in the colorless room. 

Donghyuck fakes being busy to ignore Jeno’s vitriolic eyes. He feels them, they're all over there. Staring at him. 

“Why did you do it?” he starts, mildly angry. “Why did you do _that?_ Did you do it out of pity?” Donghyuck faces him with a pained expression. Jeno continues, “If you did so… well now I just feel worse.”

Donghyuck shakes his head, words tight around his throat, choking him. “How could I do that?” _I love you._

Jeno laughs, “I don’t fucking know! Isn't that what you do? You make everyone love you and adore you like a fucking God! You play with people, and things, all the _dolls_ , and even, even _them_.” he points at the screens with Renjun and Jaemin. 

Donghyuck feels hideously sick. “You think I’m programming _them…_ to love me?”

“Aren’t you?” Jeno exhales one last sigh as all his words vanish into the air. _Am I?_ “You are not a God, we aren’t gods… and this is a nightmare.”

That _something_ crawled up his thighs and chest, arriving at his neck and getting inside his mouth. _How does it feel when the person you love the most hates you?_

**day_145**

He remembers the first one. She was nameless, it wasn’t about the sex at first. Never was. It was only about creating something. When the robot, which had barely a human’s body, opened their eyes he thought he did something divine. Their bodies got better, more realistic, more carnal. He remembers one of his colleagues saying, “I would fuck it.”

Later that day, Jeno told him, “I implied a nerve connected to the core between the legs, it might be able to feel pleasure.” 

He wanted to believe that when he tried it himself, when the metal body smiled at him, that he did it for professional purposes. It became reality when The Rising Sun’s CEOs requested it. They started to sell it. Nameless robots, without will, without personality, without a purpose. The clients liked them at first, but then they didn’t. It was not a person, it was not real, it didn't have a mind, it could only respond like a human’s muscle memory, programmed.

Donghyuck sits on the edge of the pool naked, his legs swinging aimless with the tender chloride waves. He hears Jeno’s footsteps but he doesn’t bother to look up, fixing on his reflection in the water. He doesn’t bother to cover himself either. He wants to start to believe there are things he shouldn’t feel ashamed of. 

“I didn’t know you would be here.” Jeno finally speaks. The calmness of the pool breaks when his body enters the water, Donghyuck looks up. “I want to tell you something.” 

Jeno stands in a corner of the pool and the distance feels awfully short. “I didn’t mean it.” 

Donghyuck snorts, the heavy laugh erupts in echoes. “Of course you did,” and he looks up and Jeno stares back, “But the question is, why were you so mad about it?”

Jeno swims towards him, closer, closer, closer. He embraces the concrete next to Donghyuck’s body, “I guess I was jealous.”

“Of me?”

“I—” he chuckles. “I sometimes want you so bad I hate it.”

This is the love he was wishing for, the love that kills lungs, that sets sweat on fire. 

“Why is that bad?” Donghyuck smiles, smugly. Not quite sharp enough to be a grin. Just soft, fond. “You are not even mine, Jeno Lee.”

**day_150**

The hit sounds almost electrical. Metal crashing down with flesh. It’s the new era's form of violence. Men against the machine. Donghyuck's knuckles get all bloody when they crash against Renjun’s scarless face, the break of skin. He forces himself on top of his body, straddling him. Unable to fight back even if he wanted to, which he doesn’t. Renjun receives every hit with Donghyuck's blood painting his smiling face. 

It takes some minutes for Donghyuck to feel solid hands lifting him away from Renjun. He hears himself snarl back, his animal anger being consumed by every remnant of patience.

“What are you doing, Donghyuck?” He hears Jeno ask when he moves him away, practically carrying him out of the room, leaving Renjun’s injured body behind. 

Donghyuck brawls, clawing at Jeno’s figure, “Let me go.”

“Jesus, what’s going on?”

“I’m going to kill him. He— _fuck._ It’s all wrong, Jeno.” Donghyuck stops pushing himself forwards and exhales on a dismal defeat. He brushes his hair back, Jeno looks at him with round eyes shaped of worry. 

“I failed again. He is not working properly. He’s in love but he sure hates me.” Donghyuck laughs sharply. “He will destroy the whole code, and they won’t be reusable so I won’t be able to fix the errors. I will have to do everything again.” 

Donghyuck’s vitriolic grin stains his pretty face with a heart-broken expression. “But I can’t do it with you. Not when you—How could you think I would still get in your pants if I knew about your feelings for me? God, you must hate me so much right now. You were right.”

When Jeno finally speaks his words aren’t gratifying in any form for Donghyuck.“It’s not like that.” His stomach twists, he puffs air off his lungs. “We should get rid of him then. You go to rest, I’ll take care of this.”

Donghyuck indignantly stomps away.

**day_150:20:34**

Donghyuck gets inside his bedroom but he’s unable to rest. Not when he catches some of Jeno’s clothes all over his room, not when the smell of the sheets is too familiar, not when every fiber of his body is fighting the need to crumble down. He blanks out a few minutes until he’s back into consciousness, walking through the corridors of their home. The dim light is not efficiently good to illuminate it to its fullness, he doesn’t see Jaemin right away. He sees what was Jaemin before, what he sees now it’s just a metal equeleton with dangling flesh and circuits, parts of black and gray core. 

Donghyuck feels frightened, stepping back, foreseeing a way to escape.

“Haechan!” Jaemin’s voice says, clear and desperate. “Run! Go away!” 

Then, Donghyuck gets it. Jaemin’s mind was trying to stop his body, tearing it apart himself, as he crawled to him, to tell him. To save him. Donghyuck thinks about Calypso’s chip. 

“He… looking… for.. you…” 

Jaemin tears his arm. Only one remaining limb is what he has left when Donghyuck runs.

**day_150:21:11**

“JENO! WHERE ARE YOU? JENO!?” Donghyuck walks hastily through the corridors, crossing the rooms around the house. The lights are so low and it was already dark outside, making everything around more chilly and nightmarish. He gets this unnerving feeling that he might be all alone in this house, trapped. “Jeno!”

He takes anything with what to defend himself. It’s paralyzing, the way he isn’t able to find Jeno. And the lights go all red, noting the electricity went off. Emergency protocol, all the doors are closed.

So Renjun finds him. Donghyuck’s heart pounding his throat, death’s hands around his neck. When Renjun strikes, Donghyuck fights it back. Knuckles raw from the early fight. But this isn’t like the first because Renjun gives back every hit. They crash around the house throwing things at each other. Donghyuck finally catches Jeno outside the house trying to break the bulletproof glass, unable to enter.

One final blow gets to the side of Donghyuck’s ribs, propping to unbalance him. There’s a pang of pain when he twists his ankle. He crawls back, looking up at Renjun walking towards him. Donghyuck feels his chest drumming. Renjun straddles him, the heavy lump like a weight he never felt before. Nothing like Jeno’s lithe body spreading kisses all over his skin. 

And so cold hands wrap around his neck. Donghyuck squeaks, fights, wrings. All at once, the pain appeases, he stares at Renjun’s head being twisted back, a knife piercing the juncture and electric sparkles. Renjun’s stiff and headless body falls besides Donghyuck. He breathes, Jeno stands in front of him, chest pounding and on his hand Renjun’s head hanging, the wires pulling off from the neck looking like slim snakes. 

The last thing he thinks after blacking out is _Perseus beheading Medusa._

**day_150:00:20**

It barely takes a few minutes to come back, the pain in his ankle just a light burden now. He finds himself lying on his room’s bed. He blinks a few times noting it’s still dark outside but the lights inside the house aren’t bloody red anymore. There’s Jeno sewing stitches into an open wound on his forehead in front of a mirror. Donghyuck gets into a sitting position and the noise alerts Jeno.

“Hey, are you alright?” He asks, turning back. His face looks tired, broken more than on the inside. Dark bags under his eyes, dirty hair too long and torn clothes here and there.

“Yes, and you?”

“I just got a bad hit here, it’s nothing.” It’s nothing.

Jeno finishes the stitches and Donghyuck comes close with a piece of clean rag to wash the blood away, Jeno steps back relently. “You’re bleeding.” Donghyuck voices out at the same time Jeno says, “We need to talk.”

“Okay, but let me clean it first.”

Jeno sits on the couch while Donghyuck towers over him supported on his knees, they’re too close and the air feels heavy. They’re alive.

Donghyuck brushes Jeno’s bangs away while placing the rag over the dry blood around the wound. Jeno whispers, “It’s not your fault.” 

“What are you talking about, Jeno?” Donghyuck replies, finishing the work.

“It was never your fault… it was mine. They fall in love with you because—You… you’re the first person that touches them. I should’ve thought about it before.” Donghyuck starts to understand, wide eyes open. Jeno bitterly laughs. “I’m the one in charge of the biologics, I’m the one in charge of the body, of the senses—but I never... Whatever you had with them was always beyond my understanding, but I’m the one to blame. I apologize for making you feel like it was your fault. I deserve your hatred… I deserve being taken away from you even if it’s going to kill me.”

Donghyuck sits back, holding the rag with white knuckles and breathing through his nose. Anger, pain, irritation all coming together. And the worst part is he really didn’t have anyone to blame, even if Jeno assures he deserves it. He stands up, stomping in circles like a predator. “I hate you.”

And Jeno confesses, “I want you, I only ever wanted you.” 

_“Fuck you.”_ The fights, all the damn fights. The time. The loneliness. The colors. All come to nothing, all comes to this. It’s _nothing._ It’s nothing when he finds himself in the same situation months ago, gripping the ends of Jeno’s hair and shoving him against the mattress trying to do _something,_ anything. About the awful pain in his lungs when he feels like he can’t breath if he stops kissing him. 

“Are you even going to leave?” Donghyuck mouths against Jeno’s lips, warm like the skin under Donghyuck’s hand pressing on Jeno’s throat. 

“If you ask me to.” Jeno chuckles, hands putting their bodies closer and closer.

“Then don’t leave.” Donghyuck takes Jeno’s head and stares at his eyes, his hands slightly shaking, he knows it’s gonna take more time for his heart to heal, and by Jeno’s look he assumes it will be the same for him. “We will have to fix it.”

“Yeah.” Jeno breathes and Donghyuck notices he has martyr eyes.

“What do you think I’m going to do to you?”

“You’re going to do whatever you want to and I’ll be by your side.”

Donghyuck guides his hand past the hem of Jeno’s waistband.

**/exit**

**Author's Note:**

> the girls: https://twitter.com/aka0660/status/1344253729395126274?s=19


End file.
